The Heart Is Homeward Bound ...

"That crazed girl improvising her music.
Her poetry, dancing upon the shore,
Her soul in division from itself
Climbing, falling She knew not where.." - A Crazed Girl, W.B Yeats


Do you sometimes feel this irresistible urge to tear yourself away from all your ties and connections, and shut yourself up .. in vacuum.. ? I do (and I hope it doesn't sound like madness, though if it does , so be it). Where there are no other voices , except your own ; where you are the solitary creature who speaks and listens at the same time. You can no longer suppress the noises in your soul , they become so audible suddenly.

It was a crazy day for me. Nothing happened. Except that I just felt crazy , for no practical reasons. I was just looking for something I guess.. frantically , and I didn't know what it was, or where. The whole day was an ordeal to say the least. Initially i felt uncontrollably wild , feeling infuriated at the slightest provocation , probably even no provocation at all. Then I just became quiet . And the fact remains that nothing had happened.

So I came back home.. No, I think I staggered back home . Next I locked myself up in vacuum. Complete silence. For a few moments I searched for that answer , in the innermost recesses of my being..trying to figure out the unfathomable cravings of my heart - and then,I suddenly knew it.

You know how a child cries and throws tantrums for his/her favourite toy in the store? He MUST have it , and no reasoning or justification would suffice. As for me, though I'm ashamed to admit it, it is the unquenching thirst for love. Maybe the warmth of home is what the heart pines for, and is being refused , time and again. And that makes it go wild. This time too , no reasoning or justification will suffice.

In a way maybe I knew the answer all along , but suppressed it till the noise within me grew louder. Now that I know it , and admit it , the noise will choke me till I respond.