Looking Back...

Yesterday was a pretty bad day. It was freezing here, with temperatures as low as -5 deg C . To add to it, the icy cold winds did no good either. No doubt I'm glad I survived it. You won't believe if i told you that inspite of all this, I was 'thinking' while I walked back home. I guess my mind works in extreme conditions!

I was thinking of the times when I led a sheltered life, surrounded by my very own people - people who would send me off to a doctor each time I had a sore throat or fever (and that was pretty often). People who would stand by you through rain and sunshine, believe in your goodness and ignore your follies. People who made life seem like a dream. That must have been ages back , because life has surely changed since then. I remember the first time i recognised
my thirst to venture out into the world by myself - the independent streak in me coming alive. Now when I think of it, at times I cant help feeling that it was a ludicrous decision - I was so gullible then. However defying all reason and logic, I did venture out, right after my school-leaving. Perhaps then I didn't have the slightest inkling how difficult, or absolutely impossible , it would be to return to my roots someday. Ever since then I'm struggling to turn unknown houses into homes, absolute strangers into bosom-buddies, and to instill a sense of belongingness wherever I go. And then once in a while there dawns a fine morning which makes you realize that unknown houses don't become homes and that you know your buddies no more than any other stranger walking down the streets.

So on and so forth , the years go by, sometimes hastily, sometimes painstakingly slow. Little by little it erodes our faith away. And whatever remains is stashed away in a corner of our hearts that is inaccessible to anyone else, perhaps even to ourselves.

So like I said, the times have changed. Nowadays, no one asks me to see a doctor every time I get fever. Nowadays I'm not as gullible. I try to stand by people during their times of rain and sunshine, and try not to expect it in return (though I confess it feels mighty good when they do). Needless to say, nowadays life is not a dream . Perhaps you're right, i've just grown up..

But then, the thought of turning unknown houses into homes , of finding friends among strangers .. I still hold on to these ethereal dreams .. I still yearn for that sense of belongingness wherever I go..

Well, Life's like that ...